


A Place With You

by mcmachine



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Afterlife, F/M, Gen, Heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 01:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcmachine/pseuds/mcmachine
Summary: After death, April is reunited with the one that she loves most.





	1. Chapter 1

I don't remember dying, and maybe that's a good thing.

I remember Jackson holding my hand. I can hear his voice in my head, talking about Harriet. My sweet, beautiful little girl. She wouldn't get to grow up knowing her mother, but she would know that she was loved. That her mother had been willing to die for her. That she had given up anything and everything to make sure that she would have the chance that her big brother did not. Her mother had loved her more than anything else in the world and been willing to give all of it up for her. And she had. A life without future was better than the future repeating the past.

Samuel, my beautiful boy.

My life had been lucky in that death had strayed from my family for much of it. My paternal grandfather had died when I was two and I don't have any memory of it whatsoever, I just remember the fond sadness on granny's face whenever he was brought up. But my sisters, my parents, and even the rest of my grandparents were still alive. Four generations of Kepner, and it was my branch of the family tree that was struck by tragedy. Not once, but now twice.

My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

I hadn't thought about the scripture of John in awhile, not that particular line. But I'd never heavily considered my own death. I thought that I had more time.

But Mark Sloan is someone that I haven't thought about in… months, at least. He had been Jackson's friend, his mentor, a father figure. I'd never gotten the chance to know him in the way that he had. I'd gone to his funeral and I had prayed for him, for his family, for Sofia. But I had never really known him, not in the ways that others had.

Yet he was the one standing there to greet me, holding a curly haired toddler in his arms, big green eyes that I had been blessed enough to fall in love with years before he had been conceived.

"Hi, baby."

The words are hoarse when they escape from my throat and I can barely look at the man who had selflessly taken it upon himself to make sure that my little boy was alright. Everything quickly became a blur of tears but I don't let myself shake and break down in the ways that I had time and time again when I thought about my little boy. One deep breath and I don't stop the tears from falling. Inside, I step toward the both of them, and I take my son into my arms. I cry.

"Hi, Sammy. My sweet baby boy," I smother the top of his curls with kisses, holding him tightly. On Earth, something like this would have absolutely crushed him, would have brought him more agony than what he had been through when I had carried him inside of me. But here, I can hold him and love him, I can kiss and cry over him without fear. All of it suddenly made sense. Not the life I had led, but the one that I still had to lead here. This was an unimaginable blessing, more than just God's perfect design. This was what I had lived and died for. This is what I would keep living for.

"Do you know who I am?" I whispered to him, pulling back so I could look at his face. Jackson's eyes stared back at me, full of awe. His nose was more like my own, big ears sticking out from his head. The things that my sisters had mocked me for throughout my childhood, and yet I can't help but find them perfectly beautiful incomprehensibly beautiful on my own son. "I'm your mommy, Samuel. I'm your mommy." I kissed him on the forehead. "And I love you so much."

It seemed as if the same concept of time didn't exist here. Samuel looked only a few months older than his sister, not two years. Mark himself looked like he had barely aged, no different now than he had been the last time I saw him alive.

Maybe it's odd. Maybe it's just how it's meant to be. But I'm grateful. I would get to have my son, to love and to hold him. And I would get to raise him, too. He was more than the tiny one pound baby that I'd birthed and sobbed over, that I had held with the utmost gentleness as to make his time on Earth as pleasant as I possibly could.

"Lexie and I told him all about the both of you," Mark said. I look away from my son for a moment, knowing that at least this time, I would have all of the time and more with him. "He knows you're his mom. Is it just you?" It takes a moment to process what exactly he's asking.

"Yeah, it's just me," I confirmed.

I had to hope it would be that way for a long time, too. If I was going to be with Samuel, then Jackson needed to be with Harriet. He needed to hold her and to love her, to make sure that she was okay, that she was cared for and supported. I trusted him. I trusted him to do that for our little girl, to give her absolutely everything that she needed and more. He had always been a good father, no matter what had happened between the two of us, no matter how we had gone for each other's throat from time to time. I knew that with me gone, he would only continue to be one. He would work harder to be one. He would make me proud. And hopefully, he would make sure that Harriet knew she still had her mom looking out for her from up above.

"We have a little girl now. Jackson is with her." I offer a little clarity. And I smile. It's not forced, even if there's still a twinge of sadness to be found.

"He'll be a good father," Mark offered up. I nodded in agreement.

"Sofia is beautiful, Mark," I tell him, shifting gears a little suddenly. "She's so beautiful. She looks just like Callie. She's sweet and smart, doing so well in school. Everyone absolutely adores her." I informed him with a soft smile.

Mark smiled back at me and stepped forward, clapping my shoulder affectionately. I know instantly that this is the side of him that Jackson saw, this is the man that helped shape the one that I had fallen helplessly and head over heels in love with. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

"No, thank you," I turned it back around on him quickly. "Thank you for looking out for him." A slight pause, brushing my lips over Samuel's curls once more. "We talked about Mark for a name, you know," I added. "It was one of the only names out of the Bible that Jackson was even willing to consider. And I know that it's got nothing to do with all of the scripture." It feels like necessary information, something he needed to know. That we had never forgotten about him. That Jackson had never forgotten about everything that he had done for him.

"You don't need to thank me," Mark said with a shake of his head.

I smile at him once more before all of my intentions shifted onto the son in my arms, holding him tight. I buried my nose in the curls on top of his head and breathe in his scent. He's magnificent in every possible way and I'm just as emotional as the day that I actually gave birth to him, but this time it's different. This time when the tears escape from my eyes, it's a release, tears of joy and love and exhaustion. Everything that I had been holding onto over the years, all of the grief, it was finally gone. I was finally with him again. I could feel and love freely, without the fear of being hurt, without worry of what was hiding around the corner for me. I had him. I had my baby boy.

"Mama?" Samuel questioned as he looked up at me. "Hello."

I nodded with enthusiasm, sniffling to hold back some of the tears so I could offer him a bright smile. I didn't know what kind of understandings he did or didn't have, but tears of joy were certainly beyond it. "Yeah, baby. I'm your mama. And I love you so, so much. I love you and you're my baby boy. And now I'm going to be here to take care of you, okay? Me and you."

I'd said those words to his father once, and they'd held a similar but different meaning. A promise to be there with each other no matter what happened, that our friendship would be there even when other things weren't. I'd link to think that in my last moments, we had been able to find that between each other again. That he would carry it with him for the rest of his life and that our daughter would know about it. I couldn't control how he raised Harriet or what he told her, but I had control here. And I would make sure that Samuel knew all about his father, how much we had loved each other, and how much we had loved him. Anything else would have been a disservice.

We sit down together and I keep him on my lap but turn him around so that he's facing me. It's hard not to stare and absorb. I can see hints of the little baby that I'd once held, and I can see hints of both me and his father in him. He's beautiful in every possible way. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

"I… love… you." The words that escape from him are punctuated, and it's hard not to break down from them alone. But it's joy, absolute euphoria floating through me at hearing the words come from my son. I'd never had a clear picture of Heaven, never known if I would really get to hear them from him. It's a welcome surprise and I bask and absorb everything that it had to offer.

"I love you too, baby," I replied affectionately, running my hand through his curls of hair. They're longer, thicker than Harriet's had been. Tighter, too. "Your mama loves you so much."

Samuel leaned forward and wrapped his arms around my neck, hugging me.

It's more than enough to send me over the edge but I stay quiet with the tears that stream freely down my face, wrapping my arms instantly around his tiny frame and returning the hug. A deep breath filled my lungs and I breathe him in. He's perfect. So, so perfect. Everything that I could have hoped for and more. And now I finally got to have him, to hold him and to love him in every way that I ever wanted to. In every way that had been stripped on me. I had cried and wondered why for months and years after losing him. Now, the pain was gone.

Stroking his back gently, I don't want to pull away. I want to spend the rest of eternity right here, my baby boy in my arms and hugging him, getting everything out of the moment that I had never had before. His death had changed how I was with Harriet, made me a different and better mother to her. I'd learned to appreciate every small, tiny moment because it wasn't guaranteed. Nothing was.

"I love you so much," I repeated myself. He pulled back before I did, and I beam at him. My hand comes up and I stroke a thumb across a chubby cheek. He was a healthy size and weight, not the barely alive little boy I'd known. "I want to tell you about your Daddy, Samuel. Is that okay?"

"Daddy?" He echoed the word and I nodded my head enthusiastically.

"Your daddy loved you so, so much, Samuel." I started, pressing yet another kiss on his forehead. "And you look just like him. But your daddy loved you more than anything else in the world, baby. You'll get to meet him too one day, I promise. But right now I'm just going to tell you about him."

And I do. I tell him almost everything that I can think about his father. I'd been best friends with Jackson for so long, it's easy. I don't focus much on his successful career, but instead who he is as a person. That he was sweet and thoughtful, that he never forgot the people who were there for him. That he worked hard and always did the best that he could, that he never let what other people thought deter him. That he was a sweet mama's boy at the end of the day and loved his family more than anything else. Maybe some of it is too much and way beyond his comprehension, but there's something relieving in spilling out everything about Jackson.

I make sure that Samuel knows how much his father loved him and wanted to do everything that he could for him. And along the way, I make sure that he knows exactly how much I had loved his father, too. How I love his brains and his heart, how protective he was of those that he cared about. I wanted him to know absolutely everything.

"He was the best man that I ever knew and I was really, really lucky to know him. And you'll get to know him too one day, I promise."

I hope the words are true. There are so many different belief systems out there and Jackson had chosen to believe in none of them, but I had to believe that at the end of the day, that we would all be reunited as a family. Me, Jackson, Samuel, and Harriet. That we would get the time together that we had deserved. That God would know that he was a good man even if he hadn't believed, that he had the same morals and values, that he always did the best that he could. I had to believe that.

"I love mama. Love daddy." Samuel blabbered on.

I don't know if he's just trying to make me smile – which he does with ease. He didn't have to say a word to get me grinning and beaming at him. "Mommy and daddy love you too, Samuel." I returned the words quickly. I wanted to make sure that he knew exactly who we were, how much we loved him. And it seemed like Mark and Lexie had done a good job with him so far. I would have to thank the both of them again for that when I got the chance.

"I love you," I repeat. Maybe I'm overwhelming him the words so many times but I'd only ever gotten to say them in prayer and to his tombstone. I didn't know if he'd actually heard him and I wanted to make sure that he got to hear them all the time now, that there was no doubt, no gap in comprehension. "I love you so, so much." I hugged him again.

"Thank you," Samuel answered me.

I couldn't help but let out a laugh at the response even if it's completely on par for his age and for the fact that he had already said that he loved the both of us. I pulled away from smothering him with another hug, leaning forward to kiss him once on the nose. He smiled and laughed. That laughter was more than enough to lift up my heart in ways that I had never thought was possible and fill me with nothing short of pure joy.

The weeks before my death, I had been filled with incomprehensible doubt. I hadn't understood why I had been through everything that I had been through, why it seemed like God was content staying on the sidelines with everything terrible that happened on Earth. I'd poured through Job and Ecclesiastes over and over again, trying to make sense out of all of it, trying to find meaning for the pain and suffering that I had been through. I hadn't been able to find those answers on Earth, no matter how I begged and pleaded.

There's got to be something more. Something more than the pain and suffering of this life.

I couldn't keep track of how many times the thought had run through my head, obsessed with the idea that there couldn't just be pain and suffering, yet at the same time confused as to why God would have allowed all of that to happen in the first place.

But now, it made sense. That was the kind of thing that wasn't meant to be answered on Earth. There wasn't meant to be understanding within a lifetime. The resolution, the calling, all of that came after death. All of it was finally coming to me now. I understood why God, Jesus, all of the angels, why they would prefer this place over the destruction and plagues that existed on Earth. Why the saints of God, the good men and women, this was meant to be their home. My head had been so limited in what I'd been able to believe before, but now I understood that this was it.

Now, I had my baby boy.

The Bible taught that the moment we die, we go directly into the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. I could cry endless tears of joys at the thought of him holding my baby boy, kissing him and blessing him. He had his turn, and now I had mine.

I had been lost, but now I was saved.


	2. Chapter 2

Time doesn't pass anywhere near the same in Heaven as it did on Earth.

But that turns out to be a good thing. I get to spend more and more time with my son, I get to love him and teach him everything that I know. I get to watch him succeed. There's nothing that brings me more joy than that. There's no pain here, not the kind that he experienced on Earth. He can fall and get right back up again, play and stumble around in the same way that any toddler should have been able to. I worry, but I don't have to.

At some point, I run into my grandparents, then later on my parents. They're here, thrilled to be here, thrilled to see that I was here and happy. All of them adore Samuel and the fine little boy that he was growing up to be. But they have their own slices of Heaven to live in, just visitors in mine.

Mine is just me and him. A house of our own. I teach him math, science, reading, and writing. I teach him the word of God, and he listens, completely enraptured. It's a complicated subject for any child to really wrap their head around it but the fact that he was in Heaven with me seemed to give him an advantage in the situation. He could believe and love Him just as intensely as I did. That was a truly beautiful thing. I had thought that it would be hard to raise a child in an interfaith household, but instead, I'd gotten to raise him right here in Heaven. When it came to religion, there was nothing complicated about that.

It's a cloudy day when I realize that I'm no longer just with my son here. Samuel had grown, a proper child now, strapping as ever. Still looked no older than ten, but wise beyond his years. I'd like to think that would have been true had I gotten to raise and be with him on Earth, too.

"Momma," he asked, tugging on my sleeve. "Who's that?"

I turn around to figure out who he's talking about, easy to spot him in my empty house. For a moment, all I can do is stand there and smile, relieved that all of my prayers had been answered.

When we make eye contact, the same appreciative smile broke across his face. I let go of Samuel for a moment to run to him, full force ahead, leaping into his arms once the distance between us had been eliminated. He lifted me up and swung me around in a circle, the same way he'd done on that empty road somewhere in southern Washington state. My arms wrap around his neck, and everything that had ever happened between the two of us is forgiven and gone.

"Jackson," I speak his name gently once my feet find the ground again, arms staying planted on him, one hand cupping his face. He doesn't say a word initially, just bending down and sealing his mouth over mine in a firm, passionate kiss.

"April," he finally said my name once the kiss between us had broken, mirroring me and cupping my face. "Is this… what I think it is?" He questioned.

I nodded my head slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, it's Heaven." I smiled. "I guess it's okay if you don't believe as long as you were a good person, as long as you lived a good life…" There's something sentimental in my voice, turning sad for a brief moment as I realize there's still one member of our family who isn't here with us. "Harriet?" I questioned quietly.

"She's just like you," Jackson remarked fondly. "Maybe a little more of a troublemaker. She's a trauma surgeon. Top of her class at Harvard. Didn't need the Avery name to get her there, either. She thought that Doctors Without Borders was her calling more than the foundation was. She wanted to be just like you, she wanted to make you proud in every way possible."

I couldn't help but tear up at the thought of our beautiful little girl growing up to be such a fine woman, but before I can wipe away my tears, he does. I smile at him for a moment, blinking a few times to try and keep any further tears from spilling over the edge. I had wanted to be there for her and watch over her every step of the way, but it seemed like she hadn't needed me there to still make me proud. She was everything that I had ever imagined that she would be and more. Even if she didn't remember me, it seemed like she had still managed to keep a piece of me in her life somehow. Jackson had done well, just like I knew he would.

"I missed you so much, Jackson. I love you so much." I murmured affectionately, cupping his face a little firmer, reaffirming the fact that he was actually right there, with me. It's not a figment of my imagination, not temporary or fleeting. He's there, he's real, and he's with me and my son. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

"I missed you too, April," he breathed out sincerely, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. "You have no idea how much I missed you. I could never move on. I could never find someone that I loved nearly as much as I love you." Tears form in my eyes, unable to help myself. In a way, it hurts to hear that. Even if we have been meant to be, I had wanted him to be happy for the remainder of his life, to find it in some way or another. I hoped that he had it with Harriet, even if it was a different kind of happiness. In a way, it was… better, almost. I loved Samuel and Harriet more than anyone else in the world.

I knew Samuel, though, he was attached as my hip as always. And I hoped that Harriet had been the same for him, that raising our little girl had brought him as much joy, happiness, and intrinsic satisfaction as I had here with Samuel. That was all that I could really ask for. I would get to see and know Harriet again one day, tell her how much I loved her, hold her in my arms the way that I'd never had the chance to. And then, I would have all the time in the world with her. I'm sure that Jackson had told her stories about me from the way that he described her, but she'd get to know her mother, and I would get to know my daughter again.

Just like Jackson was about to get to know his own son.

"There's someone here that you need to meet," I smiled at him for a moment, pulling away so that I could turn around and wave Samuel over. He'd been watching the two of us, probably not sure what to say. "Sammy, come here. It's time for you to meet your daddy."

"My daddy?" Our son asked as he walked over.

"Samuel? Samuel Norbert?" I heard Jackson whisper behind me, placing a hand on his shoulder as he stepped forward.

I bent down, resting my hands on my knees so that I was at eye level with our boy. "Sammy, this is your daddy. He's going to be with us now." I introduced, stepping back a little to let them have a moment of their own.

Jackson stared at him with wide eyes, tears glossing his gaze for a moment as he realized what was going on. He slowly got down on a knee in front of Samuel, taking in and examining our boy. Based on how old Harriet must have been from the stories – he was probably confused to see Samuel so young. But to me, it made perfect sense. God had given us the opportunity to raise our son. He had given that to me when I hadn't had the one to raise Harriet. And now, he was finally giving the both of us the opportunity to raise a child that we loved dearly together. He was giving and giving. God really was great.

"Hi, Samuel," Jackson said gently, placing his hands on his shoulders.

Sammy was far from the shy child, though, certainly his father's son with all of the natural charisma that he contained. I had told him everything that there was to say about Jackson, how wonderful of a man he was, and that no doubt encouraged him at the moment. I watched as Samuel leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his father's neck, squeezing him in a big hug. My heart swelled at the magnificent sight.

"Hi daddy," he said. My heart swelled and I couldn't help but tear up again with the opportunity to watch such a beautiful moment before father and son. "I'm Samuel."

"I know, buddy, I know," Jackson huffed out with laughter, wrapping his arms around our son's frame and straightening up, lifting our boy with him easily. He spun him around in the same way that he had with me before and a huge smile blew across my features, heart absolutely swelling with joy.

"I love you two so much," I murmured softly, stepping forward once he had finished spinning him around, kissing the both of them on their cheeks. "My two boys." Affection heavy in the air, I couldn't help but ruffle the growing curls on Samuel's head.

There's no way to even begin to describe how intensely I had missed Jackson. He had been my soulmate, I knew that was the truth. Even with all of the time to reflect on how things had gone between the two of us, I knew that we were meant to be. And now, I had my proof of it. Jackson hadn't believed and yet here he was, with me. I knew that he was a good man, I knew that he deserved to be here just as much as anyone else did. And now I knew that the love that we had for each other had really stood the test of time.

Everything between us had ultimately gone wrong after we had lost Samuel. Things hadn't been perfect before, but they've been better, healthier. The grief had destroyed the both of us and then we'd let it destroy our relationship. We'd been on the road to recovery, surely, before fate had become untimely and prevented that from happening. The fact that it was the three of us here, now, after everything… it just felt like it was all clicking into place finally.

"He's just like you," I murmured to Jackson, unable to help myself. "Funny, smart, charming."

"Are you sure that's not just like you?" Jackson retorted without missing a beat. I laugh and shake my head.

"Momma always says that I'm just like you!" Samuel piped loudly in with a smile. "She always talks about you, Daddy. Says how much she loves you and Hattie." I smile at the nickname that had been developed early on – he'd struggled with his r sounds for a little while, and adopted that nickname for his little sister. I loved it. "Momma thinks you're the best. She loves you a lot. Almost as much as me!"

The words spur a genuine laugh out of Jackson and I can't help but give a slight blush. There was nothing untrue about what he was saying, of course. I had bragged on and on about Jackson, how much I loved him. The reflection time had been good.

"Well, Mommy loves the both of you a lot. More than the whole world." I commented.

"More than anything else!" Samuel echoed enthusiastically, throwing his arms out wide.

"Well, I love the both of you very, very much." Jackson smiled. I can only imagine how he must miss Harriet, but he seems completely genuine in the joy on his face. "Did you know that you're named after my favorite uncle, Norbert? That's where your middle name comes from, buddy."

"I wanna hear about Uncle Norbert!" Samuel declared immediately.

I can't help but laugh, barely chewing on my lower lip. Samuel loved to hear stories – it filled me with joy, but it made me sad, too. He wanted to hear about the normal life that he would never get. In a way, there are good things. He'll never know the suffering and pain that I had been through. He'll never have to be able to comprehend why that occurred to good people, never have to doubt everything that he was doing because of it. But he clearly wanted to know more. More than what I could reasonably show him from up here.

"I can tell you all about him, buddy, don't worry. We've got all the time in the world." Jackson chuckled easily, bending slightly to set him down. I stared him for a moment, really stared at him. He looked older – not substantially so, but a few years, certainly. There's more salt and pepper in his stubble than there had been before, a couple more freckles scattered across his cheek. Even so, he's just as handsome as he had always been.

With Samuel placed down between the two of us, we each take one of his hands. There's something utterly right about the moment, utterly peaceful.

Me and my boys, it's perfect.


End file.
